IS BEING FLEXIBLE THE SAME THING AS BEING PERMISSIVE?
By: Carol Smith

“You need to be more flexible in your handling of discipline with your child.” “Are you kidding, I refuse to be one of those permissive parents. I want my child to know how to follow necessary rules. That isn’t going to happen if they are calling the shots. Flexible, not for me.” These conflicts are an example of trying to achieve Parenting On The Level.

When faced with differences in concepts or terminology, I find it helpful to go to a dictionary. It is important to clarify for ourselves the core differences in concepts that are related to our role as a parent.

These two terms: flexible and permissive, are often perceived as similar if not the same. Some parents shy away from being flexible for fear that there will be a loss of control. However, being flexible is being adaptable. Permissive implies excess.

It is understandable that parents would be cautious about excess. Children need limits and a sense of order. It is, however, possible to maintain order and have healthy limits and at the same time be flexible.

The need to be flexible relates to how children keep an open mind and have open communication. If you are flexible, there will be the opportunity for openness from your child. This will lead to their willingness to cooperate with you.

Children become resistive when they sense their parents are being rigid. Life is a series of give and take and learning this process begins at home. They may also become resistive if they sense you are anxious. Underneath this anxiety your child sees an opportunity to gain control. It becomes a chain reaction when a parent is rigid or anxious about change.

Parents hold the key to avoiding this chain of events. You have the ability to be flexible, roll with the punches. Your child will continue to change as they try to learn ways to become more in control of their lives. You do not want to stop this growth. It is essential to your child’s continued development into adulthood.

Remain confident in your basic structure of discipline. Do not worry about becoming permissive when you adapt to changes in your children. They will be changing constantly. Adapting to those changes is up to you. Being flexible is not the same thing as permissive.

Remember, permissive implies excess but you can adapt to changing circumstances without giving in to excess. You can be flexible but not permissive.

Article Source: http://www.ArticleJoe.com

A B.S. and a M.S. in education from University of Central Oklahoma and a continuing list of courses has allowed Ms. Smith to explore the many ways to touch the lives of young people. www.parentingonthelevel.com/blog

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