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How to Mend a Crumbling Marriage
By: James Walsh

Some marital unions simply cannot be saved. Couples allow resentment to fester for too long before they seek help. In fact, they refuse to acknowledge that their marriage is heading towards a breakdown. They deny the warning signals and lose much valuable time in this process.

They do realise that their married life is not happy. Yet, they fail to understand that divorce might be the most probable outcome of such unhappiness. If you belong to the cadre of ‘unhappy couples,’ take immediate steps to rectify your situation.

Analyse the Situation and Salvage Your Marriage

Every relationship has some problems. If you are unhappy, chances are that your married life is affected by unsolved issues. First, identify the problems in your marriage. If you feel that your marital happiness is disrupted by domestic violence, substance abuse or spousal adultery, do not try solving these problems all alone. It is dangerous.

If you face such problems the safest place to begin working on your marriage is the counsellor’s office. Here, in the secure confines, you and your partner can take the first few steps for bringing back joy into your married life. Once you have brought the situation under control and you are no longer in a highly emotional state, you can plan your next course of action.

The Next Course of Action

As your married life is in a troubled state, it is understood that you do not enjoy good communication with your spouse. Dissatisfied couples, are either very formal or have nil conversation. There are also quite a few spouses who simply fight and speak no more.

In such a scenario, you should first make efforts at developing communication levels. Inform your spouse that you would like to have a heart to heart talk. Set some simple conversation rules. Decide firmly to:

Talk only one topic at a time
Not to indulge in a blame game
Not to get into a temper
Let only one person talk at a time; the other should listen attentively.

These simple rules take time to cultivate but they are worth the effort. It helps you resolve issues that were earlier contentious. You might need to have a heart to heart talk many times. Erasing resentment that has built up over the years takes time. Once you are able to communicate more easily with your partner, you will experience happiness returning to your lives. Needless to say, good rapport and communication will be the stepping stone to restoring intimacy to the relationship.

Steps That Lead to Enhanced Intimacy

Start planning more outings, go on vacations and spend quality time with each other. These occasions bond you closer as a family. You can now easily express your feelings of hurt or anger (without a display of negative emotions) at the mistakes of your partner. This will help nip problematic issues in the bud. Otherwise you might begin holding grudges and this will aggravate resentment.

Increased communication will also prevent you from making attempts at reading your partner’s mind and arriving at conclusions that might be wrong. Development of intimacy has its effect on all realms of marital life. You will begin enjoying the peace that is entailed by marital security. You can plan a future, like having children or buying a home, etc.

However, at times, the most sincere of efforts fail to bear fruit. If you feel that you are not able to make any headway in your relationship, seek the help of a marriage counsellor.

A Professional Marriage Counsellor

If you are planning to meet a counsellor, select one who is reputed. The counselling services will be effective only if you and your spouse are interested in making the marriage work. Further, the state of your marital life at the time of seeking help is also important. If your married life has turned extremely bitter, counselling might not be of much help.

All people who feel that their married life is unhappy, should take immediate steps to salvage the situation. Waiting for too long would ultimately lead to divorce.

Article Source: http://www.ArticleJoe.com

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie www.quickie-divorce.com“>Divorce see www.quickie-divorce.com

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